Why I don't drink ;)

I don't drink. If I did,  a lot of people would find out exactly what I think of them.

It would not be good.

Rameshwaram - 2

Sat 29 Mar'14, evening

We go towards the beach. We are planning to walk along the cool ocean-side. I am secretly hoping to find god. I am more of a nature-person than a religious person. I believe that if I am able to experience nature completely in any moment, with my entire being, in that moment and perhaps only for that moment I will find God. I find nature having more godly presence than any temple,mosque or church. Lately I find myself getting irritated when people say that you can 'meet' god only in a temple. I guess I am becoming as intolerant as the people that I get irritated at.

8:30 pm
We are at the same beach where we had the dip in the morning, some way away from the bathing ghat. The beach is barricaded and we cannot get to the water, so we walk along the shore. Without the rush, it is a much more peaceful place than I found it this morning. There is a cool breeze blowing and it is such a soothing sensation it causes in my mind that I am inclined to linger, but my companions are impatient. They move on. I am happy. Solitude in a place like this feels divine. Sometimes we try to touch as many places as we can in a limited time, but in doing this we end up not letting a single place touch us and transform us.

I can hear the waves. There is silence all around me except for the light rhythm of the waves on the shore. I can imagine how Krishna must have felt when he chose the seaside to establish Dwarka. I can see him standing beside the sound of the waves, just like I am standing right now, looking out where the horizon can no longer be seen.

The breeze brings with it the smell of the ocean - a little fishy,  a little wet. It tries to push me over, like a little puppy that wants to play. I want to run out and play as well.

The sky is clear, I can see the stars on the black velvet sky. The boats anchored some way away from the shore have just lighted their lamps. The halogen at the ghats is lending silver to the black waves. Some people are still in the water, playing.

What would you do if you heard the notes of a flute right now? Imagine sitting by the waves and listening to the jugalbandi of the ocean's beats and Krishna's flute.

Rameshwaram - 1

Sat, 29 Mar 2014
We are at Rameshwaram - one of the top four holiest places in Hinduism.

11 am
Going to Ramnathswamy temple, after which the place got its name. We are taking an auto that will drop us right beside the ocean. We will take a dip in the ocean and then enter the temple. How cool is that! The ride is about 3.8 kms and we are being charged Rs. 100. That is somewhat higher than the official rates, but what to do. The rules of supply and demand!

We have reached the ocean. The approach (the ghat) is quite dirty, cow dung all over the place, banana skins thrown around. We Indians really should learn to respect our cultural heritage. The water itself, which looked so blue and clear from a few feet away, is dirty. We don't have an option. We take the dip.  Other than the usual stuff that people throw into the ocean, I think this beach also has a lot of seaweed. There's seaweed floating in the water and seaweed getting tangled in my toes. It is freaking me out! On a normal day, I would try going farther into the water to play in the cleaner waves. But it will soon be 1 o'clock, the time when the temple closes. So we just take a quick dip and come out. If not for  the cleanliness issue, the place would have been beautiful. As I said, from a distance the water looks a pretty shade of sparkling blue-green. When the waves make the water recede a little, we can see the pebble floor of the ocean. The breeze promises a cooler evening.

We have booked a panditji to take us around the temple.

From the ocean it is a small stretch of road to the Ramnathswamy temple. We can see the temple rising above the shops. It is a majestic building.

The actual ticket price for entry is Rs. 25. However, the pandit taking us around explains that the pandits' group charges Rs. 110 per person extra. Why? There are 22 Kunds or wells inside the temple. Anyone wishing to see the deity should bathe in the water of all 22 kunds first. There are pandits standing at all the kunds, pulling up water in small buckets that is poured over the visitors' heads. Since it is a lot of physical labor, we do not mind paying them the extra money - Rs. 5 per person per kund.

We leave our chappals outside and cross a really hot stretch of road, hopping first on one foot, then on another. :)

The temple entrance provides blessed relief. There are ladies washing the premises when we enter. Inside, the temple looks freshly scrubbed.

And now the process of 'purification' starts. We visit the 22 kunds, starting with Mahalakshmi Teerth, then on to Savitri, Gayatri, Saraswati Teerths and many more whose names I have forgotten. I see some really old idols on the way. It feels like discovering a treasure, not because I am some hoohastically religious person, but because of the feeling of respect and nostalgia old art evokes. Here is someone's artwork (and it is my general assumption that idols were genuine works of love in the old days) that has survived to the present age when the makers are long dead and gone.

Finally we reach the main deity, Shiva. The darshan is short and we are hurried along. Our panditji does not even bother telling us the story of the temple. Not a loss, we know it anyway.

After Ram had defeated Ravan, they decided to stop here and worship Shiva. Ravan had been a highly learned man, a brahmin in the true sense, and killing such a knowledgeable person was considered a sin in those days. So to atone for this sin, Ram decided to pray to Shiva. Hanuman was sent off to Mount Kailash, where Shiva resides, to bring back a Shivling, so that Ram could conduct the puja. When Hanuman didn't return for a long time, Sita made a Shivling out of sand and Ram performed his puja. When Hanuman came back, he was very upset that Ram didn't wait for him. After all, had he ever let Ram down?!

To mollify him, Ram told him to remove the sand Shivling made by Sita and install his own in its place. However, the mighty Hanuman couldn't budge the sand shivling. I guess that since Sita had created the Shivling with such love and Ram had worshipped it with such devotion, even the modest sand shivling became a real representation of God. The temple of Ramnathswamy serves to remind us of the simple fact that god is not in any special place/thing. To find God we just have to look inside ourselves, and we shall see God in what is essentially just sand!

Don't underestimate the power of a.....small woman ;)

I am a somewhat small person, only about 5 feet tall. People keep telling me I look like a college-going kid. This might also be because I wear very little make-up but that discussion is for another time. Anyhow, people keep assuming that I am younger than my real age. Most of the time it is extremely flattering! There are times, however, that looking younger is a definite disadvantage.

That happens when people talk down to me assuming I am some kid. A few years ago, my younger sister's friend tried to talk sweet at me,"Kis class mein hoooo?" More recently, a lot of my colleagues underestimate me (to their own disadvantage) thinking I am some new joinee fresh from college. Sometimes it gets a little tiring having to prove my worth again and again and again. Especially when a more serious/mature/older looking person gets taken seriously just because. I might be smarter than them, sharper than them, my suggestions might be more insightful. But with every new acquaintance, I have to go through that period of earning my equity. Why am I complaining today? Because it just got somewhat extra difficult with one colleague. But that too is a story for another day.

I really should not complain.  I have got without trying what women the world over spend millions to achieve.  I should be grateful for this while it lasts. Also, having to prove my mettle again and again keeps me sharp. It doesn't let me get complacent. Finally, it is a treat when people realise how much they have been undervaluing me.  Their expressions are classic!

The Story of a Princess - 18

What do you imagine when you think of royal families? Unlimited riches, luxurious lifestyle, not having to do any work except perhaps preside over the court and fight wars, right?

Wrong, this started much later.

The time that I am describing to you had much more responsible kings and queens, much less show-off, fewer servants in the royal household,  more border skirmishes than full-fledged wars. Most of the families in the kingdom subscribed to the Old Way.

The Old Way was the way of the first humans on earth. It was believed that once Brahmaji had created the world, he requested Vishnuji to protect it. Vishnu accepted the responsibility of becoming the Provider and Protector of the world. He appointed kings and queens and gave them the responsibility of the people. He charged parents with the responsibility of caring for their young, the young were given the responsibility of the old, the rich were responsible for the poor and the strong were responsible for the weak. In this way, everyone directly or indirectly became the provider and protector of one another. This was the Old Way. Vishnuji, thus having reduced his work load, went off to the Ksheer Sagar to meditate.

Ayodhyans were deeply devoted to the Old Way. This was the reason that the kingdom barely needed any policing force. There were no thefts or murders. Nobody cheated anyone. Nobody was helpless. Such was the ideal society that was Ayodhya.

The royal family was the caretaker of Ayodhya. We had certain duties that we were honor-bound to perform. The foremost among them was the protection of Ayodhya from external attack. The members of the royal family were highly skilled Kshatriyas. Since childhood, we had been taught in martial techniques. Everyone was expected to excel in at least one technique. So, Ram was a master archer. Lakshman, who always followed in Ram's footsteps, had also chosen archery as his preferred technique. Bharat and Shatrughan were training under a swords-master. My preferred weapon was also the bow. The king wielded the sword. Queen Kaikayi, who came from the horse-tamer tribe, could use any weapon while riding. I do not know what queens Kausalya and Sumitra preferred. They never came down to the training grounds.

The second duty of the family was to assist the king in court. At any given day, at least two of us would be sent off to the courthouse to learn the art of kingship.

None in the royal family were inclined to while away their time doing nothing. We considered time to be one of the most valuable gifts given by Brahmaji to living beings. It became even more precious when considered that nobody knew how much time they really had been gifted with. So we would spend our time assisting the household staff either in the kitchen, or in the horse-shed feeding and grooming the horses, or taking care of the cows, or de-weeding the gardens, or we would just shoot off to the fields to work there.

If you are surprised, remember that this also was a direct implication of the Old Way. For a people to take responsibility of one another, they had to be able to empathise with others' lot in life. We were warriors, but we had been taught by learned sages, in an ashram as their resident students. We knew, therefore, the importance of being self-sufficient. In addition to the warrior's art, all of us had been required to learn at least one domestic skill. Giving responsibility in the fields and the barn was the King's way of ensuring we didn't lack in our education and didn't look down upon those who were not as lucky in life as we were.

The most colorful display of the Ayodhyan way of life was seen when spring arrived. Because spring brought with it Vasantotsava, the queen of festivals. It was the most beloved festival of the Ayodhyans. 2-3 months before Vasant Panchami, the kingdom would be abuzz. Preparations would be on to celebrate the festival. Artisans would stock up on their wares to sell in the festival Haat, so that on the days of the festival the markets would be covered with varied colors- red, green, orange, blue, white . Dancers, singers, actors, poets, story-tellers would converge to the capital city of Ayodhya. Warriors from all over the kingdom and from outside would come to the city to display their prowess.

Large grounds would be prepared for the games and entertainment. Overnight the grounds would be set up for the next day's events. A whole army of personnel was employed for the duration of the Utsav.

Ram and his brothers were very excited about the games. It was the first time all four brothers would be participating together. They wanted to compete in all the games.    

I was equally excited. The heady mix of colors, the sweet fragance of flowers that Vasant brought along and the general excitement was making me giddy. I had decided to participate in the archery competition.  I would be competing, among others, against Ram!

I wanted to experience the Utsav in its full glory. So, as my old habit, I donned simple clothes, covered my face and stole out of the palace.

It was as I was roaming around the town, flitting from one shop to another and from one entertainer to another, that I met Jatayu.

Cuteness

Saw a really cute kid on my way to the metro station. He was mock running alongside his father, you know they way kids run literally in one place when they feel hyper excited, and talking gibberish all the while. Cuteness personified! :)

Ever seen flowers on a curry leaf plant?!

The Story of a Princess - 17

I was missing the Spirit who used to visit me in childhood. She had been away for so long that I started wondering if she was just a dream. Or whether her sole interest in me was to get me married to Ram.

"Quite conceited of you, I would say"

"You're back!"

"I never left, little girl. You were so busy with your new husband that you forgot I was around."

"Sorry". I felt sheepish.

"Apology accepted. So what's the plan for today?"

"I am cooking. First time."

"Nervous?"

"A little"

"Don't be. It will be great."

I had spent the entire past week preparing for this meal. During meals, I would observe what people liked to eat. After every meal I would sit in the kitchen and would write down everything I had noticed that day. I realised that I should have started making these preparations much earlier. One week was not enough to know in entirety the food preferences of four parents, three brothers, one husband and about 15 servants who shared meals with us. Once mother Kaikayi caught me making these notes and smiled her approval. She even shared tips about the favourite foods of the four brothers.

When the big day dawned, I reached the kitchen early.  Before beginning, I offered a prayer to mother Annapurna, the mother who feeds us all. This was a tradition I had imbibed from my mother's kitchen. Though I had never known my adoptive mother, I had known her kitchen intimately. My father had not removed any of the kitchen-staff who cooked alongside my mother. I had known my mother through the people in that kitchen, through those pots and pans which her hands had touched. My mother still represented to me mother Annapurna and it was partially to her too, that I prayed everytime I cooked.

The memory of my mother's kitchen and the thought of having to cook today amidst all these alien utensils, where my hand couldn't unconsciously pick up the correct masala boxes, made a tear trickle down my cheek. The head cook, who was watching me with interest, came over immediately and put a hand on my shoulder. 

She was an old woman with a kind face. I had always liked her. I think she thought that I was crying out of sheer nerves. She made me sit down and drink a glass of water. Then told me that I need not worry about the cooking. She would take care of everything.

I hurried to explain to her that it was not the cooking that was worrying me. When I told her about my homesickness she gave me a misty smile and hugged me.

"Every woman experiences this when she comes to a new home, specially the one who loves cooking." She gave me a wink."Now I know I should look forward to today's meal. So what have you planned, little one?"

As I took her through my menu, a grin lighted her features. "It is ambitious, but it is a good plan. I see you have included some favourite dishes of the royal family."

"I also tried including a few that I thought some of the staff liked,"I pointed those out.

She looked into my eyes. "You are a strange one indeed, my princess. Alright, let's start then. How do you want to begin?"

I outlined to her what I needed done and she started assigning work to the rest of the kitchen-staff. Meanwhile I started mixing the masalas for the different dishes. I tried giving a different flavor to every dish, so that the tongue would be surprised and appreciate it better.

Once the masalas were handed over to the staff to grind, I took a round to check on the other preparations. One by one the ingredients were prepared, and then it was time to combine them into the whole dish.

As I worked over the lighted fires, amidst the clanging and the banging and the sizzling, I realised that my hand was automatically picking up the ingredients I needed from their place. And just like that, that kitchen became mine.

Once the cooking was done, we sent a boy to invite everyone for lunch. The boy came back within a minute, grinning. "They are already here," he said.

The head cook laughed. "I am sure the aroma of this food can be smelt right in their rooms! Hurry up everyone, set the places for the meal."

Banana leaves were placed on a freshly mopped floor for holding the food and cloth mats for sitting. Leaving an opening for the servers to move in and out, the places were set in a circle. I pulled 3 of the kitchen-staff with me to serve the food and bade the rest to sit down. Usually the household would eat in 2-3 different groups in different rooms. It made conversation easy. But today was a special day - the first meal prepared by the new bride, me. So everyone was sitting together.

We started serving the food. We served the milder flavors first, following them up with the spicier mixes. For the drink we had prepared buttermilk, it was one of Ram's favourites as well as mine. We had two types of chutneys - one sweet and one chilly-based. The main dishes varied from the mildly flavored potatoes to the spicy chollas, and from a simple dal to the many layered vegetable mix. It was a joy to see people's eyes light up when they saw a favourite dish and we made sure to serve them extra portions.

In spite of our generous serves, every single banana leaf was wiped clean by the time the meal ended. My family thanked us for a well-prepared meal and went directly to their rooms to sleep - they had eaten so much.

When everyone had left, I and the three other servers went to the kitchen to have our own meals. It had been a good day and we talked and laughed till evening.

The Story of a Princess - 16

We rode on in silence for a while. Eventually, when Ram wouldn't speak, I had to ask. "Do you think queen Kaikayi encourages the king to behave this way towards the eldest queen?"

"Mother Kaikayi is a peace-loving person. She would have liked to have married a man about her own age. She would have liked to be the first and only wife of her husband.  She would have liked to have a loving family without all the intrigue. She didn't get any of that."

"She knew she could never be friends with mother Kausalya when she realised how insulted my mother felt by the king's behavior. So she concentrated all her attention on us children. All four of us brothers loved visiting her rooms. She would always have sweets ready for us. She would always make sure that our favourite dishes were made when we came over around meal-time. She always lent a sympathetic ear when we complained about our teachers. Children have a better judgement than adults. I know she loves her family, including my mother. She just doesn't see a way she can help her, though."

"So whose spies were you afraid of when you decided to bring us here?"

"These spies that I talk of, they do not have any particular loyalty. Whenever they see a family happy, they wonder what they can do to spoil their happiness. Can you say that such people are not present in the palace?"

"If we were overheard, they would have picked up fragments of our conversation, added some spice and presented it to any suitable target. I know because it has already happened once, or my mother and mother Kaikayi could have been friends."

Finally it was time to turn around. The rising sun had lent beautiful hues to the sky. And Ram's conversation had shown me new layers to the palace life. I understood Kausalya's pain and bewilderment. How it must have hurt to realise that her value to her husband was only while her beauty lasted! Perhaps this is the reason why women are so afraid of white hair, of wrinkles, of letting their true age show. This is the reason why they will go to any length, make any expense within their power to make age stop. I also realised what a huge weakness this was - it made us easy targets for flattery, it enabled any man to demolish our self-respect by pointing out our degrading body, it made us easy targets for cons who promised renewed youth, it also made us desperate for approval.

Or was it the other way around? Was it our desperate need for approval, at least from our family, that hurt us when this approval was not forthcoming? Should we strive to rise above this need, so that we cannot be used and discarded?

But then, again, what was family life without mutual respect and affection? Was it logical and fair to expect a partner to perform all their  duties even when they are not loved and valued?

When I put this question to Ram, he replied,"The Grihastha ashram is meant for family life. This is not the time to 'rise above the need' to be loved. This is the time to indulge it."

"And it is not fair to expect someone to stay married to you even when you do not respect them. Our society presents us with numerous examples of women who martyr themselves taking care of their thankless husbands. Women who protest against maltreatment are portrayed as vamps, as being too forward. But I think it is the woman's choice whether she is willing to forgive or not, and I would respect her whatever she chose- whether she stayed quiet like my mother or sought satisfaction elsewhere like Ahilya."

"Ahilya was innocent", I replied hotly.

"She was in love with Indra as Indra was in love with her. She might not have realised it, or realised too late. Gautam's jealousy was not unfounded, but to be fair, he brought it upon himself by neglecting his wife for so long."

"But she didn't, you know, do that with him!"

He laughed. "That was her choice. Frankly, I would have held her guiltless even if she had 'you know, done that'."

I was glad he couldn't see me just then. I doubt whether he would have found the morning sky redder than my face!

The Story of a Princess - 15

I had been surprised at Ram's reaction to Ahilya's plight. I knew him to be a kind, sensitive man but I hadn't thought that he would be moved to tears.

The next morning, as he was readying to go out, I brought up the topic. I told him how proud I was that my husband could empathise with another to such an extent.

He looked at me strangely. Then lowered his eyes. "You give me more credit than I deserve"

I looked at him questioningly. Take the compliment, man!

"Would you ride with me?"

"Sure", I said, wondering what he was up to.

We climbed onto our horses and moved out, a section of Ram's security team following us. We rode in silence till we reached the outskirts of the town. As brick road changed into mud and houses turned to fields, Ram increased his speed. My horse was equally fine and I was able to keep pace with him. Soon we were quite a distance away from the guards. Ram looked like he would talk but it seemed like he just wanted to fly. So I let him be. I hoped that my silent companionship was helping him somehow.

After a while he stopped. "Would you ride with me on my horse?"

My cheek burned. But it seemed important to him, so I nodded my consent. We tied my horse to a tree so the guards would find him and put some grass in front of him.

Then I sat on Ram's horse and he jumped on behind me.

We had been married for a few months, but physically I had never been this close to him. Don't ask me why. We just hadn't.

Having Ram sit so close to me, holding my waist with one hand and the reigns in the other was sending shivers up and down my body. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die right there in his arms. Was this his intention?

"I had to bring us away. The palace, including the guard, is full of spies. This was the only way I could talk about yesterday without being overheard."

"Mhmm"

"My mother, queen Kausalya, is king Dashrath's first queen. When I was young, I seem to remember that there was a lot of love between my mother and the king.  However, as my mother grew older, the king lost all interest in her. Or perhaps he was just bored, he needed variety." I had never seen Ram so bitter.

"So he married queen Sumitra and then queen Kaikayi. Queen Sumitra treats my mother with the utmost respect, even to the extent of standing up to the king for her sake. I remember she once earned the king's wrath for this." Ram stopped. I kept silent, willing him to speak.

"It was after queen Kaikayi came that my mother's dignity was really challenged. Earlier she had been a trused advisor to the king. She had her own network of spies who gave her all news of the city. She was able to give the king good advice with all the information at her disposal. Now the king stopped asking her for suggestions.  Even if she put something forward he rejected it without giving it a thought. But if queen Kaikayi advised him anything, it would be implemented right away, like yesterday. You can imagine what that did to my mother's confidence. The Kausalya you see today is but a shadow of who she once was."

"That was the reason I was moved yesterday.  Somehow, in every suffering woman, I see my own mother, dying a slow death."

The Story of a Princess - 14

I always thought King Dashrath to be a kindly old person. Ahilya's episode showed me that he was also a shrewd statesman. He knew that he could not take a Rishi's curse head-on. He knew that the judiciary could not go against the priestly class in such matters. So he chose the safer option - he rejected Ahilya's claim to innocence and to her children.

This led to furious debate inside the Queens' courtyard.

Queen Kausalya understood the practicality of the king's decision, however bitter it made her feel.

Queen Sumitra was all for challenging Rishi Gautam's understanding of the situation, based on which he had uttered he curse. She believed that perhaps he could be made to see reason. Even if that didn't happen, it was the king's duty to stand by the truth, to lead his people to do the right thing, to tell them when they were wrong.

As for queen Kaikayi, she believed that while the king's stand was practical, some help should be provided to Ahilya so that she can live with dignity.

I, Ram and all Ram's brothers seconded Sumitra's suggestion. The king looked at us with heavy eyes and told us that we weren't ready to be kings and queen yet. We had all the idealism and none of the common sense. He did agree with Kaikayi and sent out orders to that effect.

Then he explained to us the mechanics of this particular knot.

The Ayodhyan society was divided into 4 classes - Brahmins who were the priests, Kshatriyas who were the warriors, Vaishyas who owned the businesses and Shudras who were the working-class. Till 4-5 generations ago, the entry to these classes was based purely on merit. Anyone could study any profession and if their teachers thought they were performing well, they would be brought into the relevant class.

Gradually, the system became corrupt. Priests would ensure that their progeny was brought into the priestly class, business-people brought their kids into the family business and the skilled crafts-people did the same. The warrior class still followed the traditions of merit-based entry because no warrior could be selected without the kings' approval. And Raghu-Kul, king Dashrath's family, he declared proudly, was beyond corruption.

"But why am I telling you all this", he said.

"The reason these classes were able to get away with what they did was that they were united, extremely united. No brahmin would tell 'outsiders' that another brahmin was a fool."

"And this unity is the reason I had to disappoint Ahilya. If I went against something as serious as a Rishi's curse, justified or not, the priestly class is strong enough to create dissent in the kingdom and cause revolts."

"No dear father-in-law.  You are mistaken about one thing".

King Dashrath looked at me with surprise.

"There are 5 classes in the kingdom. The fifth class consists of the lowest slaves in the kingdom - the women of the kingdom."

I saw tears in Ram's eyes when I said this.

"No Sita. You are wrong too. If all the women belonged to one class, they would have been stronger. They could gain political power and get the respect they deserve. But the women are so divided that people like Gautam get away with treating them like cattle."

The Story of a Princess - 13

I caught Ahilya as she was leaving the city gates and introduced myself. I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes, before reason quashed it. The king obviously wouldn't send his daughter-in-law to bring her back to court. And the king's daughter-in-law wouldn't be wearing such ordinary clothes if she wasn't coming out secretly. Still she decided to speak to me. A lone soul would often seek company, even upon the flimsiest excuse.

We talked. She told me about her life at the ashram, about her children. She couldn't even collect any mementos of them before she was thrown out. She talked about Indra. She wondered if he would have healed or if his sores were the non-healing type. Then she talked about Gautam. The husband she had never opposed, never questioned was now subjected to the fiercest scrutiny and she decided that if it weren't for the children, she wouldn't even consider going back to his ashram.

I asked her of her life before marriage. She was also the child of a sage and had lived her entire girlhood in her father's ashram. The sage belonged to the old school, and had taught her everything he taught his male students. He had brought her up to be a learned lady in her own right.

How then, had she gotten married to a man like Gautam?

Gautam was her father's student. Her father had thought him to be a different man, a better man, than he really was. As simple as that.

"So what are you going to do now?", I asked.

"I will go back to the forest near my ashram. You proved to me that my husband's curse was only an angry man's rant. It cannot make me stone. Perhaps the ashram-dwellers will still treat me as being invisible. But I will always be around, around the periphery of their vision, so that they cannot forget me. Perhaps my children will have more faith in me than their father had. Perhaps they will have courage and will come to me, choose me over him."

"And what about Indra?"

She laughed,"Oh! I'll offer him food from my kitchen, like he asked. The rest is God's will"


I stared at this woman, this strong, brave and beautiful woman and I knew she would be okay.

The Story of a Princess -12

One day a woman came to the king's court demanding justice. Her clothes were in tatters, she was coated in mud and she looked as if she had cried buckets of tears. Her story was sad, though not an out-of-the ordinary occurrence in our society.

Her name was Ahilya. This is her story:

Ahilya was the second wife of Rishi Gautam. When they married, Gautam was 40 years of age and Ahilya only 20. Her husband already had 3 children from his previous marriage, and was not interested in having more, though she found this out only after her marriage. Gautam was well on the hermit's way and was only interested in his prayers. He married Ahilya so there would be a mother to take care of the kids, freeing him of another 'worldly responsibility'.

 Ahilya soon got to love the kids as her own. She didn't mind having to do all the ashram-work by herself - the cleaning, the food-gathering, taking care of the two cows. She did everything willingly for the sake of the children. The children too grew fond of her and would follow her around the ashram like lambs after their mother.

10 years passed. The kids grew up and, one by one, left their mother's ashram (the ashram was established by Gautam, but the children always called it their mother's, Ahilya's, ashram and this was the term Ahilya used while narrating her story) and went to study with other teachers. Though it broke her heart to see them go, Ahilya knew that it was a necessary part of their education to study away from the comforts of their own home. 

Ahilya was now all alone.

One day, after her bath in the river, she met a very handsome man, radiant like a god. She asked him who he was. He was Indra, the king of heaven. They talked. She liked him. He was intelligent and funny. He told her that she was beautiful. No one had ever complimented her on her looks, including Gautam. She invited him to her ashram. He agreed and that evening had dinner with Gautam and Ahilya.

After that he became a regular visitor. He said he came because he couldn't find such delicious food as Ahilya cooked, even in heaven.

Meanwhile, Gautam was getting jealous. The wife he had no interest in till now, suddenly became the focus of all his attention. His Tapasya began to suffer. 

Indra always came to their ashram in the evening, when Gautam and his students came back from their prayers.  One day Gautam got late, and when Indra came Ahilya was alone in the ashram. 

Ahilya swore in the court that day, that they were sitting outside in all innocence, talking and laughing, when Gautam came back. After Indra had left that night after dinner, the couple had a fight. Gautam accused her of having feelings for another man. She told him that Indra was just a friend, a dear friend, but a friend.

He asked her to choose - choose between her family and her only friend in the world. Gautam threatened that if she left him, she would never see the children again. He would not let her presence 'pollute' their minds. She had no choice. She agreed to stop meeting Indra.

Next evening when Indra came back, she told him what had happened. Indra understood. She knew he was hurting so she asked him if he would still accept offerings made in the sacred fire for him, as the ashram would crumble to dust if the king of gods stopped accepting the havan offerings. But he said he would accept as it was his duty. He asked if she would consider offering up the food she cooked daily, as the kitchen in heaven seemed pathetic in comparison to her cooking. They burst out laughing. It was a good laugh. It was also the last time either of them would laugh for a long time. 

For just then Gautam came out of the forest. He had heard their laughter and he was mad with rage.

Then Ahilya's nightmare started.

Gautam accused her of breaking her promise, her wedding oaths. He accused her of disobeying her husband. He accused her of adultery.

Ahilya stood there stunned, as Gautam hurled expletives as her, calling her a whore, a wanton woman. Numbly she saw Indra trying to pacify Gautam, trying to tell him that she was innocent. 

And then Gautam cursed Indra. He cursed that his body be covered with painful sores. That shocked Ahilya out of her muteness. Indra was innocent, she shouted. But a Rishi's curse is powerful. Innocent or not, the curse had instant effect. Indra's handsome face and the rest of his body was bloodied due to the sores.

Next Gautam cursed Ahilya. He had used up all his Tap, his hermit powers, in cursing a god. So he declared Ahilya to be an outcast. She would cease to be a wife to him and a mother to his children. She would not be seen or acknowledged by any of the ashram-dwellers. They would look past her if she came near. She would be as stone to them, of no importance.

Ahilya knew it would be in vain to ask the other ashram-dwellers for help. They were Gautam's students and would not dare cross him. So, for the first time in their friendship, she took Indra's hand and, supporting him, went into the forest. Seeing this, Gautam's rage grew to madness and he started flinging stones and mud at them. A few hit her. One hit the back of Indra's head and he fell down after a few steps, unconscious.

Thankfully, they had entered the forest by then. Ahilya sat him down against a tree, shielding him from Gautam. She prayed to heaven to take their king back home. She had no medicines to treat him with. A flying chariot soon arrived and carried the bleeding Indra away. That was the last she saw of him.

Once Indra had left, Ahilya looked around herself. A little distance away was the ashram, her home. She considered going back. Then realized the gravity of Gautam's curse and broke down weeping.

She must have spent a whole night weeping. When morning came, she decided to go to the king's court and demand justice.

But even a king cannot go against a Rishi's curse. Ahilya was thrown out of the king's court. 

I was listening, as was my wont, from behind the curtain of the women's balcony. I decided to talk to her. I wouldn't be able to help her much, but I could at least give her some gold to make sure she didn't starve.

Palak plants in my balcony -2

Why should we not believe in god, in miracles when life is sprouting all around us? What testifies to the existence of god better, than a new birth - whether plant or animal?

Confession

I love writing. I am one of those people who, if an idea germinates in their mind, have to express it in the written word. So much so that I am contemplating hiding in the office rest-room and writing, just so that the idea comes out into the world and leaves me in peace to do that which gives me my bread and butter. Which sadly, is not writing. I am not a good writer.  I cannot compare with people who win all those prizes, who write all those best-seller novels that I love. I am just a simple person who loves to write.

Newly sprouting Palak plants in my balcony

We are unique :)

We are unique and should watch out lest someone steam-roll our existence into muddy impressions of their own life.

Hooked to CCS

Hooked to Candy Crush Saga too much. How much? So much that when I see a 2+1 pattern anywhere, the first thing that pops into my mind is a mental image putting all 3 into a straight line! :p

Bougainvilleas along the road

No knack for Knick-knacks

I really envy people with artistic tendencies, mostly because I have none. I can sing a little and that's about it. I envy the people who can paint, draw, sculpt or in general create beauty out of everyday stuff. I am hopeless in that department.

The irony is that I am one of those people who want to decorate their house with self-made stuff. You know, that personal touch. I would love it if I could fill my house with things I have made myself. They might not be the ideal of perfection but it would make the house seem more like home.

Why are the women angry?

Ok, I confess I am making a generalisation here. Maybe not all women are angry. Having clarified that, I also want to state that I have met many women who look so calm, but who are so angry inside. I am angry. I have a couple of bhabhis who are furious. I know that my mother is angry. My father has worse temper, but it is my mother who is angrier.

At the time of the Nirbhaya rape, all these angry women (and men) shouted out their anger.

So what is making us so mad?

Working late

Working late tonight.  I so feel like cribbing.

Hellooooo!

Re-opened Blogspot after a very long time, thanks to the Blogger app. Went through a lot of my old posts. I cannot believe I wrote all that. Damn, I used to write well! Well, at least better than how I write now.

So what's the update? If anyone is following this blog, how have you been? Bal-bachhe sab thik-thak? :p

As for myself, I know that I have changed a lot. I have done a lot of things, analyzed myself deeply and tried to change what I didn't like. I think I am not as afraid of speaking in public as I was a couple of years ago. I have taken one (and one is enough, for now) roller-coaster ride. I have done white-water rafting twice, once at Rishikesh. I have been on my first proper trek. I have had my first foreign trip. I have changed my job, moved cities. I have been on some awesome trips and collected some amazing memories.

And yes, I have put on a LOT of weight. 

That's all for today. Hope to write again here soon.