On Afterlife

I believe in afterlife. Part of the reason is that I hope to find all the friends, family I lose in this life, in the next. It kinda dulls the pain, knowing that, or believing that, they are all up there somewhere watching over me, and that even if I die I have something to look forward to. And that's my second reason, to have something to look forward to. The third is that I don't wanna believe that once my eyes close, all my memories, all my feelings are gonna be deleted. The fourth is that, because I believe in afterlife, death doesn't scare me so much. I sometimes deliberately put myself into situations where I might get into terrible trouble, simply because I don't believe it will all end.

But many times this belief works against me. Like if I didn't believe in afterlife, I'd have been much more enthusiastic about this one. I'd have fulfilled all my crazy dreams as soon as possible, just in case it were all to end tomorrow. And, of course, when I am frustrated, the thought of death does not guarantee me the oblivion that I need. I guess it's partly keeping me alive. Don't get psyched, I am just another nut-case in front of a keyboard. :)

Come to think of it, what if it does end tomorrow? Would I regret having to die, in my last moments? If I think of the life I have lived and the things I have done, I probably won't. I have had a good life. But what if I think of all things I haven't done? Would I regret leaving then?

Naah.....I guess I'll just take bh. and S. n all for a trip around the country, though I wonder if they have ice-skating rinks up there!